ANTICIPATION

2018. IT IS FINALLY 2018! THE YEAR MICHAEL AND I BECOME PARENTS. BETTER YET, IT IS THE MONTH WE BECOME PARENTS! GROWING UP AND IN YEARS PAST, JANUARY HAD ALWAYS BEEN JUST A MONTH. NOTHING SPECIAL HAPPENED IN JANUARY. NO BIG HOLIDAY OR THING TO LOOK FORWARD TO. IT'S THE MONTH AFTER THE MOST FUN SEASON AND BUSY MONTHS OF OCTOBER, NOVEMBER, AND DECEMBER. THAT'S HOW I ALWAYS THOUGHT OF IT - JUST A MONTH WHERE THINGS SEEMED SLOW, COLD, AND BLAH. A FEW YEARS AGO, WHEN MICHAEL AND I CHOSE TO GET MARRIED IN JANUARY, WE JOKED THAT EVERYONE WOULD PROBABLY BE ABLE TO ATTEND BECAUSE WHAT ELSE WOULD SOMEONE HAVE TO DO ON A SATURDAY NIGHT IN JANUARY? IT ISN'T A BUSY MONTH FOR MOST.

NOW JANUARY HOLDS SO MUCH SIGNIFICANCE. IT IS OUR ANNIVERSARY MONTH AND IT IS THE MONTH WILLIE WILL BE BORN. I THINK BACK ON OUR WEDDING DAY AND THOSE ARE MEMORIES I HOPE NEVER FADE. NOW WHEN I BRING OUR SON INTO THIS WONDERFUL BUT SCARY WORLD, JANUARY WILL HAVE ANOTHER REASON IT IS A MONTH THAT SHOULD NOT BE TAKEN FOR GRANTED.

A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO, WE GOT TO TOUR THE NICU AND GET A BETTER IDEA OF WHAT LIES AHEAD OF US. THAT AFTERNOON WAS ALL ABOUT LOGISTICS FOR MICHAEL AND EMOTIONS FOR ME. BEING TOLD OF WHAT SOMETHING LOOKS LIKE COMPARED TO ACTUALLY SEEING IT IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. MICHAEL WAS NOTING THE RULES, WHAT WAS WHERE, THE DIFFERENT PHASES OF WHERE WILLIE WILL BE PLACED, ETC. ME ON THE OTHER HAND, I WAS LOOKING AT THE BABIES ALONE IN THEIR ROOMS WITH NO ONE, OBSERVING ALL THE MEDICAL EQUIPMENT, VISUALIZING US IN A ROOM STANDING OVER WILLIE, ETC. I COULDN'T HOLD IT TOGETHER AND I WILL PROBABLY LOSE IT AGAIN. WHEN WE LEFT THE TOUR I WAS SO GRATEFUL TO HAVE GOTTEN TO SEE IT AND PREPARE. NOW I KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT EVEN IF IT ISN'T WHERE I WANT TO BE. I ALSO WAS REMINDED OF HOW MUCH MICHAEL AND I COMPLIMENT EACH OTHER. HE TOOK IN ALL OF THE INFORMATION I COULDN'T HEAR BECAUSE OF DISTRESS. HE HELD MY HAND WHEN HE SAW ME STRUGGLING. HE REMINDED ME THAT NEITHER I NOR WILLIE WILL EVER BE ALONE ON THIS JOURNEY, LIKE SOME OF THOSE LONELY BABIES SEEMED TO BE. HE IS OUR ROCK.

MY GOAL AND "RESOLUTION" FOR 2018 IS TO LIVE MORE IN THE MOMENT. IT MIGHT SOUND CLICHE, I KNOW. BUT FOR ME, NOT PLANNING AHEAD, NOT THINKING TO FAR INTO THE FUTURE AND ONTO THE NEXT THING IS DIFFICULT. I NO LONGER WANT TO MISS THE SPECIALNESS OF ANY ONE MOMENT BECAUSE I'M THINKING ABOUT WHAT LIES AHEAD. WHAT IS NEXT.

YOU HEAR THE SAYING "SOAK IN EVERY SECOND" WHEN SOMETHING REALLY SPECIAL IS HAPPENING. FOR EXAMPLE GRADUATION, A VACATION, YOUR WEDDING DAY, A MISSION TRIP. THESE ARE EVENTS WE HOPE AND WANT TO BE MEMORIES FOREVER. WE WANT TO ENJOY EVERY SECOND WHILE THEY LAST - "SOAKING IT ALL IN." I WANT TO BEGIN SOAKING IN EVERY SECOND OF WILL'S LIFE AND THE GIFT OF GETTING TO WATCH HIM GROW AND FLOURISH FROM THE MOMENT HE IS BORN. I KNOW I WILL NOT REMEMBER EVERY SINGLE DAY AND WHAT WE DID. I KNOW THERE WILL BE HARD DAYS THAT I WILL PROBABLY WANT TO WRITE OFF AND WISH THEY'D END SO THAT WE CAN START A NEW DAY FRESH. BUT I ALSO THINK OF HOW SAD I WOULD BE IF THERE ARE CHUNKS OF HIS CHILDHOOD I DON'T REMEMBER AS SPECIAL BECAUSE I WAS LOOKING PAST WHAT WAS IN FRONT OF ME AND INSTEAD ONTO THE NEXT THING. I WANT TO LIVE IN THE MOMENT AND SOAK UP THE GOOD, BAD, MESSY, AND CHAOTIC.

I AM FULL OF ANTICIPATION FOR JANUARY 22ND. THIS IS MY INDUCTION DATE. I AM ANTICIPATING MY FEAR AND NERVES OF THOSE DAYS AT THE HOSPITAL. I AM ANTICIPATING HIS FIRST HEART SURGERY. I AM ANTICIPATING OTHER MEDICAL ISSUES THAT COULD BE PRESENT THAT WE DO NOT HAVE OUR HEARTS PREPARED FOR. AS I HAVE BEEN PRAYING FOR ALL OF THIS, MY RESOLUTION OF LIVING IN THE MOMENT KEEPS BEING IMPRINTED ON MY HEART. EACH DAY, HOUR, AND SECOND SPENT AT THE HOSPITAL, GETTING WILLIE READY TO GO HOME TO TULSA, I WANT TO IMMERSE MYSELF IN.

AS I SAID EARLIER, I LIKE TO LOOK AHEAD. LOOK PAST THE LONG, COLD, BLAH DAYS AND ONTO HAPPIER AND MORE EXCITING THINGS. FOR WILLIE AND HIS LIFE, I AM COMMITTED TO NOT DOING THIS ANYMORE. WILL I BE HAPPY WHEN HE IS OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND WE GET TO TAKE HIM HOME LIKE THE MAJORITY OF PEOPLE GET WHEN THEY HAVE A BABY? OF COURSE. WILL I BE PLEASED WHEN I NO LONGER HAVE TO SEE HIM HOOKED UP TO WIRES AND MONITORS? YES. BUT I AM COMMITTED TO NOT OVERLOOKING HOW SPECIAL THOSE FIRST DAYS AND WEEKS WILL BE WITH HIM. I AM GOING TO SOAK UP EVERY SINGLE MOMENT OF WILLIE'S LIFE NO MATTER WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.

BELOW ARE SOME PICTURES FROM WILLIE'S NURSERY. HIS CLOTHES AND BLANKETS ARE WASHED AND READY FOR WHEN HE GETS TO GO HOME TO TULSA. HE HAS A DIFFERENT BEDTIME STORY FOR 3 MONTHS OF TIME. HE IS ONE LOVED AND SPOILED BOY! WE ARE SO THANKFUL FOR ALL THE GIFTS AND LOVE WE HAVE BEEN SHOWERED WITH. IF YOU HAVE CONTRIBUTED YOUR PRAYERS, MONEY, OR TIME TO CELEBRATING OUR GROWING FAMILY, WE ARE SO APPRECIATIVE. YOU CAN ALSO FIND MORE NURSERY PICTURES IN THE PHOTO TAB AT THE TOP.

This is my favorite wall of Willie's nursery. A cork board map to mark all of our family adventures, the special "Getting Down with Willie" onesie made for him in a shadowbox, and a felt board for special messages.

"Something Tells Me I Am Going to Love Him Forever"

Our motto throughout pregnancy and how we told the world of Willie's special gifts.

Michael is in the RV business, so this crib sheet was perfect!

This pillow was one of the first things I bought for the nursery and a lot of inspiration came from it. I can't wait for the many nights (and early mornings) of rocking Will to sleep and reading to him.

The glamorous changing station! Will's room was a guest room prior to becoming a nursery, so that is why a newborn gets a TV! Also, those middle of the night wake up calls may not be as hard on Michael when it is his turn if they come with some television.

Willie's Zoo: All animals Welcome!

His library is full!! I cannot wait to read to him and find out which of these stories are his favorites.

His toy chest is exploding and ready to be played with!

THIS IS MY LAST POST WITH WILLIE INSIDE OF MY TUMMY. UNLESS HE DECIDES TO COME SOONER, JANUARY 22ND MICHAEL AND I WILL OFFICIALLY BE PARENTS. WE ASK FOR PRAYERS DURING THIS TIME AS WE "SOAK UP" OUR SECOND WEDDING ANNIVERSARY AND LAST DAYS OF JUST THE TWO OF US. WE ASK FOR CONTINUED PRAYERS OVER WILLIE'S LIFE AND DELIVERY. THAT HE REMAINS HEALTHY AND STRONG FOR HIS SURGERY. WE ARE SO HAPPY IT IS FINALLY THE MONTH OF WILLIE!!!

"IS ANYONE AMONG YOU IN TROUBLE? LET THEM PRAY. IS ANYONE HAPPY? LET THEM SING SONGS OF PRAISE."

-JAMES 5:13