PERSPECTIVE

WOW! I can not explain how much of a confidence boost it is seeing all of the support we are receiving. I know our road is long with lots of twists and turns, but on difficult days reminiscing on the personal messages, social media comments, phone calls, hugs, and prayers has been uplifting. All of those standing with us allows me to take a deep breath and remember that I was chosen for this and that we have the greatest group of people willing to help and encourage us in anyway possible. THANK YOU.

I have to admit, and like many have told me, it takes courage to be this vulnerable. There are a few items in this latest post that I rode the fence on sharing. I have fear of judgment, fear of oversharing, but it is our truth. These posts were written to keep those who care informed, to show how sweet an unexpected surprise can be, and to shed light on the fact you never know what life will bring you. Are you ready for the unexpected? Don't worry, I wasn't either! Find hope in our story.

William Michael will enter this world in Oklahoma City, where Michael and I are both from. Currently, we live in Tulsa about an hour and a half away. It is in Oklahoma City he will have the best team of doctors to take care of his every need. We will be close to family and friends there, but it does impose challenges. When we were first referred to the Children's Hospital his diagnosis became much scarier for me.

Will also has several heart conditions that, as of right now, will cause him to have two open heart surgeries. One at birth, and one later on in his first year of life. Each surgery requiring at least a 4-6 week hospital stay. This too imposes so many other things for us to think about outside of Will's health.

What if I go into labor in Tulsa, and we have to rush to Oklahoma City? Where will Michael and I stay in OKC for that long of a time? How will Michael go back and forth to work? How will we maintain focus and strength in our marriage? What will we do with our dogs? Who will keep an eye on our house? The hows, whats, whys, wheres list is very long and grows each day.

Is the glass half full or half empty? Each morning when I wake up I choose to have a positive perspective. It is a choice. It is something I have to pray to have the strength to do. Let me be clear that it was never an answered prayer that we get to have a baby with special needs and serious heart defects. That was never something we asked God for; I don't believe most people wish for our reality. Without a physical baby in front of me, it is easy to let the diagnosis, the what-ifs, the scariness of how much our life is being altered, the financial burden, all of it to outshine the greatness I know our journey will bring.

Again, I am being honest that I am terrified of the future for Will's health. A baby is fragile, innocent. He doesn't deserve anything less than a healthy and complete life. As my doctor describes to me, I pump the blood through his body. I give him the nutrition he needs to grow and develop. If there is a loud noise that startles me, I feel him jump and get startled too. What I do, he does. Where I go, he goes. What I feel, I believe he feels. If I choose to feel sorry for myself or him, see the glass half empty, he feels that negativity. As his Mom, I never want him to feel anything but love and wanted. So each day I wake up and choose a positive perspective.

I believe that God has full control of my life, Michael and I's life together, Willie's life, and our life altogether as a family. He mapped out for Michael and I to meet in high school, form a friendship first, and come together as one in marriage years later. He mapped out that the two of us would be the best parents for his precious child, our Willie. It has always been in His plan for our lives. I do not know what the next 1, 20, 30, 60 years look like for our family, but I know that God has already mapped out our pitstops and destination.

As challenging and gut punching this experience has been with the unwanted news we have received, the idea that I have had the most trouble with wrapping my mind around is that some people believe Michael and I have the wrong perspective. To those who have voiced that to us personally, voiced it to our family members, have talked amongst others about it, or even thought it in your own brain, I am thankful you are taking the time to read this post and can hopefully put your perspective aside, and see ours.

To anyone who doesn't agree with our positivity and how we are handling our life, have you had a child with down syndrome? Have you had a baby with a congenital heart defect? Those are scary things to face and swallow. Why is it so easy for people to form an opinion on something when they have no idea what it is like to walk our path? I will never do anything but accept Will for who he is. God knitted him in my womb to have down syndrome, to have a heart defect, to make Michael and I better people, to challenge us, and to hopefully show those who believe we can and should pray his perfect imperfections away realize that Will is exactly what God created him to be. So to our critics, be patient, give it time, and together Will and God will show you he is beautifully made.

"As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him." John 9:1-3

To everyone, whether you have agreed with our perspective or not, why choose to see life as half of anything? Unimaginable, unfair, and unexpected things happen each day. Whether you spill coffee on your white shirt, your best friend gets diagnosed with cancer, you hit every red light when you are already running late, you get laid off from your job, a terrible car wreck occurs, or your favorite team loses the big game (Don't get me wrong that these things are going to throw you off balance, but will they knock you down?) No matter the severity of a situation, I guess my point is what kind of perspective are you going to have? Don't think you can get through life without hard times and trials. Until a few months ago, I didn't believe something this wearying could happen to me. We cannot control every situation and outcome. No matter how strong our faith is. Only He is in control. Perspective- will you see the frustrating, difficult days as half empty or half full?

Yesterday we were back in Edmond visiting my home church where I truly felt the pastor's message was written for Michael and I. How awesome is it when that happens? It was just what my soul needed. The message was centered on Matthew 14:22-33 and overcoming the storms of life that are going to strike whether we are prepared or not. In those times God is looking at our faith and if our faith is in him to see the greater good within the storm. The choice is ours, when a storm comes our way, we can focus on the waves, or the wave maker.

As each day passes, we get closer to Willie being here. As each day passes, his little kicks become more regular and stronger. As each day passes, our bank account decreases and his nursery becomes more finished! He will be here soon whether we see the glass as half full or half empty. So as each day passes and we get closer to Will's delivery, his first open heart surgery, his time in the NICU, the other unexpected news we know will come, the hours and days we will spend at the hospital, the tears and celebrations, the sleepless nights, the sweet firsts, ALL OF IT, I choose to see the glass as just full. Not half in either direction.

FULL with my faith in the wave maker.

Check out my growing bump! The picture above is Willie and I at his first trip to the pumpkin patch a couple weekends ago in Edmond at the Wings Fall Festival. Wings is a wonderful organization for adults with developmental disabilities. I know Will will meet lots of friends here in the years to come!!

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." -Psalm 139: 13-14