JOY
On June 2nd 2017 something I had prayed for, fantasized over, wished for, hoped for and longed for, finally happened. I got my dream job! A job I had been practicing for and reading up on. I even had a Pinterest Board that I saved things to so when I got the job, I would have a place to visit to remember the important things like what to pack in your hospital stay bag and how to introduce your dog to the baby. All of my life I knew I wanted this job. It was centered on my passion. Children. I was finally going to be a mom.
My husband is the rock of our relationship. I am the emotional one. The one who gets worked up over the weather men breaking into my nightly program and excited over getting a package in the mail. Michael is very strong, determined, passionate, loving, and friendly. All reasons as to why I married him. He also loves children. It was a chapter we couldn’t wait to open together when we were ready.
Being the youngest of six siblings who all had children of their own, working as a school teacher where I was around kids all day, and growing up making money by babysitting, I somehow still desired to have children of my own. Being a mom had always been my dream gig. To say that we struggled to get pregnant is true in my eyes. I had friends who were going through fertility treatments because they had been trying for years. Although we had been trying to conceive for seven months before it happened for us, it was a long seven months. Anyone who has had or wants a baby can tell you that when you finally decide you want to have a child, you want it right then. Each month that passed by that we would get excited it was finally our time, and then to be let down, hurt.
Once I learned I was pregnant, the worry of miscarriage set in. I also had friends that unfortunately had went through that pain and heartache. Was that going to be me too? That was a time where it was hard to not pray selfish prayers.
At the end of the first full week of knowing I was pregnant, I'm pretty certain I had already registered for everything I wanted baby to have. I had saved boy stuff and girl stuff. Michael and I would daydream about the different types of things we would do with our son or daughter. No matter the gender, we knew we would love our baby and give it everything we had and more.
By week eight of being pregnant, Michael and I were bursting to share the news with our family and friends. It was fourth of July weekend, Michael’s birthday, and we were going to be at one of our favorite spots, the family lake house. Although I had some nerves about sharing the news this early because the fear of miscarriage still lingered in my mind- we went for it. The photo below is how we announced to the world of social media.
The calls, comments, texts, even congratulatory gifts were rolling in. We were the first among our friends to be having a baby. I was the baby of my siblings now having a baby. Our baby was going to be the first grand baby on Michael's side. It was a big deal not only to us, but to a lot of people. We were overwhelmed with love. Everything was perfect. "Perfect"
The JOY we felt I thought was unmeasurable. God had blessed us with a child we had so badly wanted and prayed for. No one or no thing could take away the JOY I felt as a mom growing our miracle inside me. I could not have planned or anticipated the JOY being ripped away from me like it was at our 13 week appointment.
More on Willie's diagnosis next time-
Mark 9:36–37 "Then he put a little child among them. Taking the child in his arms, he said to them, "Anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf welcomes me, and anyone who welcomes me welcomes not only me but also my Father who sent me."